time goes on...

If you've found my blog, I congratulate you! It's been three years since diagnosis, and a year and a half since Dave left us. We've had a rough time, but don't regret a minute of our journey. The time, commitment and money we put into Dave's treatment was absolutely worth it! We miss him every day. We wouldn't change the time we had for anything... If you have a cancer dog, or have any questions about our fight, please leave a message in the comments.

thanks to all

Thanks to everyone who has been reading, commenting and checking in. Mike and I appreciate all of the support we've gotten since last January, especially all the support in the last week.

We got around to the sad business today of cleaning up some of Dave's things - his ripped up chair, his snuggle beds and his toys. We're going to be contacting a few local shelters and rescues to see what we can donate, along with the case and a half of dog food that we literally just bought.

I found a few pictures of Dave on my camera that were taken last Thursday, four days before. He's playing with his octopus, looking spritely and mischievous. It's amazing what a difference four days can make.

Here's the story:
I was away from Friday night through Sunday morning, and came home to a happy dog that was a little more tired than usual. However, it didn't stop him from cuddling on the couch with us that night. In the morning, Dave got up with Mike reluctantly, but ate his breakfast and pills without any problems. We went to work, Mike got home first and Dave seemed fine. His head popped up in the window when Mike pulled up, and he greeted him at the door. Mike took him outside, where he was fine. They came back in, Dave got his meds, and after a few minutes, Dave wanted to go back out. When he did, he began vomiting and pacing. He would sit for a few minutes, then stand, then shake and had limited control of his back legs. I got home shortly thereafter, and we decided to take him to the vet. We said goodbye on the floor of "his" room, where I got my three kisses. The vet was Dave's "regular" vet - Rothman Animal Hospital - we didn't want to drive to Penn to limit Dave's potential pain.

At Rothman, the vet and the staff were wonderful. They allowed us the time we needed, and the vet assured us that we seemed to be making the right decision. When the time came, it was quick and peaceful. This has been a hard week, but knowing the circumstances surrounding the decision, I'm completely confident that we did the right thing at the right time. No wavering on our part, and no unneccessary pain and suffering for Dave. I love him, and have spent all week starting to talk to him, waiting to hear his footsteps when I'm in the kitchen and looking for him to come around the corner when I get home. I miss my buddy, my boofer, my friendly bear, my stinks. What a good life we had. A short eight years, but what good ones we had!

Nothing is ever wholly lost. That which is excellent remains forever a part of this universe. ~ RWE

sadness

Today was the day... Mike got home from work to find Dave not feeling well. When I got home shortly after, we decided it was time. I'm pretty confident that he didn't suffer, and that his last days weren't painful. We gave him a good life with lots of love, and already miss him more than I can imagine.

Since the last post, Dave had good days, and while he seemed a little more tired, he was eating normally and active - playing with his toys and being himself. Even today, he greeted Mike at the door, and gave me a couple of licks while we were saying goodbye.

again

So... Dave's not feeling well again. He's still being picky with his food, but was happy with canned food with some soaked dry food added in. But then he started throwing up. Mike was off on Thursday, and Dave threw up a few times during the day. He did this around this time last year when he was on chemo and eating canned food, so I we didn't know if it's the canned food or something else.

Then Thursday night into Friday, he got sick a few more times. He's been eating plain chicken, which doesn't make him sick, but it also doesn't give him much nutritionally. He threw up again last night before bed. Once we went to bed, he was acting strangely - he kept getting out of bed and looking at us. Not the in pain type of staring that we saw prior to starting chemo, but it's concerning. He seems a bit stiffer in general.

The good things are that his lymph nodes are small and soft, he still has a good appetite and is alert when we come in the door, get out of bed, etc. He loves following us. He's still jumping up on his chair and happily perusing outside.

I have a call into the oncology vets, but don't know if anyone's on call over the weekend. I called the emergency department, and they told me what I had figured, is that they would probably tell me just to bring him in. Since visits and the exposure to other animals stresses him out, I'm trying to avoid that until it's necessary. I don't feel that getting the food questions answered and a physical exam are worth the stress on him at this point. That could change if his demeanor changes.

garden

Here's a little bit of our garden project, thanks to Dave. Sorry if the formatting of the pictures is off, but blogger can get tricky. The before:

organic seeds in organic soil

repotted since they're bigger

seven months

Dave is still doing well. I love having nothing exciting to report. He's been very active with the nicer weather, and is a happy little dog. He had a couple of days where he didn't want to eat his kibble, but it may have had more to do with the hard kibble than the appetite. We initially soaked kibble in broth and mixed it with wet, and then went to grinding up the kibble with some wet. Now we're transitioning back to kibble. But his appetite for treats and the wet food remained excellent.

Today marks a few important Dave milestones. He's been out of remission for seven months, and has outlasted his prognosis at that time - five more months than the two they gave us. Go Dave! It's also a year and three months since being diagnosed originally, pushing him higher above the average.

excitement

We had an "incident" in the neighborhood today. Our next door neighbor barricaded himself in the house (details here). Mike and I had to run out after the initial drama of an ambulance coming, and came home to a closed off street, SWAT team, Bomb Squad and a ton of police officers. Wow...

Dave was in the house the entire time, the officers wouldn't let us get him. I suppose the safety of people is more than a dog, but I worried for the few hours while I watched SWAT members taking cover all around my house and car. The good news is that we are good, our house is fine and the officers did a great job and stayed safe. But my heart is still pounding.

Dave is fine, he's made a complete turnaround from a few days ago. He may seem a little confused in this picture, but he's good to go.

solace in aging

I've come to grips with having a senior dog. We lovingly call Dave our old man, sometimes call him puppy and find some happiness and humor in the sad, yet funny things that Dave now does. What I haven't been able to figure out (and wouldn't this be lovely) is where my comfort level is and my acceptance of what's happening.

Is Dave extra-tired after a full week off with Mike and I, doing lots of abnormal activities? Or is he slowing down, the effects of cancer and being close to ten catching up with him? Is he not eating his kibble because it's too hard for his senior teeth, or because he's losing his appetite as a symptom of losing the larger battle?

I'm taking solace now in his greeting me at the door and popping his head up to look out at me when I drive away or arrive at home. In the way he scrunches down when he's picking out which toy to bring to me. In the way he devours the soft, wet food that we're giving him to ensure he's eating something. When he jumps up (usually by the second try) in bed and curls up in my legs.

I have a different feeling now than I've had in the past - acceptance? Gratitude? I want him to be here, and be well while he's here. For tonight, he is.

yard work

spring

Spring is a fun time in our household - new beginnings and all of that good stuff. It's time for gardening, the Phillies and just getting outside more. It rained (once again) today, but in the late afternoon the rain broke and we were able to get out and pull some weeds. Muddy weed pulling is the best! After weeding our side pathway (baby steps), we applied corn gluten - it's an organic weed preventative. It's also an ingredient in a lot of dog foods because it's an inexpensive additive, so animals love to eat it. Dave sniffed around but didn't bother it too much, surprisingly.

new camera

As an "early" birthday present (I celebrated with the family this weekend), Mike, my mom and his parents chipped in to get me a gorgeous new camera. I still have my old school Canon point and shoot, but now I have a bells and whistles Canon dSLR. Fancier pictures of Dave!!! Tomorrow, I turn the big 3-1! And Dave is alive and well, ready to celebrate with me! I don't have any pictures of him yet - surprise, surprise - but they'll be coming soon. The best birthday present of all is a happy, healthy pup who is snoring by my side while I write this!

a week off

Mike and I are off this upcoming week. We don't have anything too exciting planned, just visiting with my family for my birthday and doing some things around the house. But that's good enough... With the rainy weather forecast this week, Dave will probably be ready for us to go back to work by Tuesday. He's doing well, active, playful and generally awesome. Hopefully we'll have some breaks in the rain to enjoy the beach while in Longport!

nsfw

This picture is intended for mature audiences only. After getting ready for work the other day, I came into my bedroom to find Dave laying like this:

I love this dog. He makes me laugh, every day.

chillin

Dave seems to be very happy with spring edging it's way in. He wants to go outside every half hour or so, which is par for the course. He's enjoyed a couple of days of open windows and short walks, in addition to perusing in the backyard. He's fine - active, eating, good (for him) lymph nodes and being his normal awesome self! The next milestone we have is my birthday, which is just three short weeks away. Here's for hoping...

healed!

The limp is gone! Dave got his last pain pill on Saturday, and he's been fine. We had some visitors yesterday, and the extra excitement didn't seem to faze him at all. He's been playful and a bit of a nudge for treats. We bought a new couch back in December, and it arrived yesterday. We've been trying to keep Dave off of it, but it's difficult to break an eight year habit, as you can see!

March nor'easter

March surely did come in like a lion! We have about ten or so inches of snow, I guess? Dave was not happy to be outside in the midst of it, but once the heavy stuff stopped, he did his high speed laps around the yard. He wore one of his Christmas gifts - a denim jacket/gray sweatshirt combo. He somehow managed to get the hood to cover his eyes, and ran into a few things before I could fix him up.

Obviously, he's feeling better. I spoke to the oncology vet again this morning, and she was happy to hear that he improved. She didn't think the lung sounds were significant, as he was stressed and his smooshy face contributes to louder sounds. She joked that he has nine lives, as things that appear to be serious turn out to be anything but. Shoulder injury... I took back my comment to him that it was okay to stop fighting.

update

The oncologist called us back, and recommended that we take Dave to the vet on Saturday, as long as he didn't get worse through the night. When I called to make the appointment, I found out that they had late hours, so we were able to get him in. The vet we saw wasn't our usual regular vet. Dave's exam was good - his temperature, heart and stomach sounded/felt good. He said a few interesting things: that his lymph nodes were big, but that he'd felt worse, that he heard lung noises, which could be anything from excitement to an infection/pneumonia.

The good news? He thought that Dave hurt his shoulder. Upon examination, his front right leg was concerning.

I'll follow up with oncologists on Monday, and hope that it's a random leg injury in the meantime.

nervous

We didn't come home to what we usually do today... Dave has a limp, but ate and gave us some kisses. He definitely doesn't seem to be himself. I have several calls into several vets, but we're going to monitor him for the night, unless he seems to be in pain or if the limp gets worse. I don't have a good feeling about all of this. I told him that it's okay to stop fighting.

happy half birthday!

Dave is officially 9 1/2!! His half birthday was yesterday - we celebrated with new treats, new toys and a ride in Mike's new car. I'm so happy to reach yet another milestone... I remember how excited I was a year ago that Dave made it to 8 1/2.

Thanks to all for checking in! We've gotten 1,000 visitors in just over a year. I realize it's not much in the scheme of things, but it's nice to know people are thinking of us.

Valentine's Day

Mike and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I have an aversion to made up holidays, where flower and dinner prices go up, and the quality goes down. However, that doesn't preclude me from forcing Dave to celebrate! Ha. He truly is Hot Stuff!!!!